Nobody has anything figured out – so why should you? Here’s why it’s okay not to, and how to deal with the anxiety that comes with it.
Whoever first declared the ever so popular phrase, ‘fake it ‘til you make it’, was not only a poet, but a mastermind. More accurate words have not been spoken to perfectly describe the life of someone who is seeking success, yet has no idea what the hell they’re doing.
It’s so easy to get caught up with the lives of those around you. Simply sifting through your Facebook newsfeed will teach you that Jenny just got a job with Google, Rob just got a promotion, and Ashley’s blog was just featured in Food & Wine. Although to others you may seem to be doing well, after being informed of everyone else’s whereabouts in life, you now feel like you’ve got no direction, and your world is caving in.
“Why does everyone else seem to have it all figured out?” you ask yourself.
News flash: they don’t.
No matter what they tell you, or Facebook, or their boss, the truth is, us twenty-somethings (and, well, basically any age) don’t have anything figured out. Of course we might have goals, we know where we’d like to be, we have our own definition of success, but the road to get there is full of giant question marks.
But that’s how we learn.
It’s all part of the journey. Immersing yourself in the trials and tribulations is how we are formed into the individuals who end up succeeding. Putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable. Saying ‘yes’ to something despite the voice in your head screaming and flailing, “WHAT? I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!”
And while listening to that voice can prevent you from making mistakes, think about the lessons you would have learned from that mistake. By the same token, ignoring that voice could potentially lead you in a direction you would have otherwise turned away from. As the days, weeks, months, and years pass, you’ll come to realize that just like you, everyone else is making life up as they go. Life doesn’t come with a manual. You are in charge of your direction.
*TIP: this book has changed my life – You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
Your life is up to you. And if it’s hard for you to hush the voice that questions your direction, I encourage you to…
Put your blinders on.
Everybody has their own journey. Fast, slow, full of obstacles, smooth as ice. And with a generation enveloped by innovative technology and the never-ending stream of consciousness that is social media, it can be extremely difficult to ignore that comparison bug. Do you know what the quickest way to feel horrible about yourself is? Looking at the lives of those around you who you believe are doing better than you. Do yourself a favor and put your blinders on. Focus on yourself, your journey, your growth.
Celebrate every step.
Did you just get great feedback from your boss at work? Celebrate. Did you just quit your dreadful job and start a new one that you already love? Celebrate. Did you just exercise four days in a row when you normally survive only two? Celebrate. I believe that recognizing when you’ve made an improvement, no matter how big or small, is key to getting that annoying voice to shut up. This will allow you to truly realize that maybe you’re doin’ alright, despite not having anything figured out.
Understand it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Take a minute to think about how much of your life is ahead of you. Understanding that you’re in development mode is crucial. You don’t have to have everything figured out today. It’s okay to be lost. And it’s never too late to switch paths according to what life has thrown at you. Walt Disney was a newspaper editor before he became, well, Walt Disney. Imagine if he’d listened to that voice in his head.
So, while at times it may feel like you are wallowing in solitude on an island as the only human to feel like there is no correct path in sight, you are certainly not alone. When it comes to pushing past your hurdles of insecurity and comparison, asking for forgiveness rather than permission is the way to go.
And unless you’ve been presented the mysterious, magical playbook of life, you have no reason to have everything figured out.
*This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase an item from this link, I receive a small commission. Thank you for your continued support.
This was so awesome, Christina. And EXACTLY what I needed to read today. I potentially have some super-exciting things happening behind-the-scenes, but “putting my blinders on” and letting things just happen…awesome advice. Thanks for this!
Thanks, Alexa. A lot of BGB seems to be on the same wavelength right now haha. I can’t wait to see what you’ve got brewing!
This is awesome, thank you!! I feel like sometimes I’m quick to judge my own successes/failures based on my friend’s successes in their lives, which is not helpful. “Celebrating every step” is such a great way to look at it! I’m gonna learn to celebrate more of the little things in life
You are so wise, thank you so much for being so real and honest with your readers <3
Thanks so much for reading, Marina! I do the same thing. Something I try and focus on is lifting other people up and supporting them instead of looking at their accomplishments with comparison. It definitely helps!
Blinders have been my bff lately. Focusing on what I’ve got going on and looking at what others do with support not envy has really helped push through the tough stuff.
Well I literally just told Marina I do the same thing without seeing your comment so holy shit we are the same person go us.
My mom has told me to “fake it ’til I make it” since I was little. She said it’s what she does daily. I used to bash the idea thinking I was a phony (lol) but seriously EVERYONE is doing it. No one has it figured out and we are all taking it day by day.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling phony. But it’s not! The learning never stops <3
This is awesome Christina and so, so true. *clapping hands emoji x 14* It’s a great reminder that social media allows us a glimpse into other’s lives, but it’s definitely not the whole picture. Focusing on YOU is so important.
Exactly – it’s just a small, minute portion of everyones life. Thanks for reading Erin <3
I think I was lucky enough to learn this in my very early 20s but it is always such a good reminder to remember that even people in their 30s don’t always have it figured out!
Totally – I had this conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day who is in her thirties and she said the same thing. It never stops!
Wonderfully written Christina! I agree with Georgie about the blinders and celebrating others’ success. Being a competitive, driven person it is easy to fall into the comparison trap. But giving myself those constant, positive pep talks and celebrating the little steps help a TON. Also I’m just dealing with a ton of anxiety currently so closing the shades may be what I need right now to re-focus and re-group. That and a shit ton of yoga…
Thanks so much Ash! I feel you on the anxiety. I always try to look at my current situation as an experience that’s teaching me a lesson, and in the future I will look back on it with gratefulness! (even though at the time I want to scream ;D)
I love this topic and you’re so right that it’s a marathon not a sprint. Since I hate anything but distance running, you’d think that I would of really known that by now, but I feel like I came out of the blog gait sprinting, which made me almost have to drop out of the race all together! I don’t have everything figured out and some days I don’t even have the direction I want to go with my blog figured out, but I think having blinders on and looking straight ahead really helps and also not giving myself a finish line. It’s a lot easier to go out for a long run if you have your head wrapped around the fact that you’ll be out there for a really long time than if you say you’re going out for a 3 miler and have to extend it. Lastly, this made me think of the Mandy Moore movie “How to Deal” that I was literally obsessed with in high school, anyone?
You, my friend, are a genius. That is such a great analogy. Thanks for reading <3
No truer words have been spoken!
I have a REALLY hard time sometimes thinking everyone is doing better than me and “why don’t my pictures look like that” or “how do they post a blog post everyday?!” I step back and remember not to be so hard on myself, as everyone has different lives and that’s what makes the world go round! I’m ordering that book! Thank you for sharing!
I’ve done the same. And YES you will love it, it’s so great and has completely helped change my perspective on life.
This was so timely for a lot of things I’m dealing with right now, trying to figure out if what I am doing now is really what I want to be doing, or whether it’s just a convenient waystation to wait out time until I reach where I ultimately want to be. Because it’s totally okay if it is!
I have soooooo been there. Keep on keepin’ on, everything happens for a reason <3
YAAAASSS. I still like the saying ‘fake it til ya make it’ — sometimes those few words make the difference in taking the next step — or even saying no to not overdo yourself. But all the yessss…we’re always learning, always moving forward.
Totally!! We all have unique perspectives and we all have different paths. It is easier said than done but I try to trust the path in front of me <3
This is such a great post. I love the phrase “fake it til you make it” and it really has helped me seem confident even when I have literally no idea what I’m doing. It’s always nice to see that no one’s alone and we’re all kind of in the same boat![:)](http://theblissfulbalance.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/simple-smile.png)
I swear there has to be some scientific proof that acting like you know your sh*t actually makes you feel confident LOL because I have surely been through many times in my life where I have nooo confidence, and I just push through like “yea.. im a pro”…not lol
This reminds me of that quote or phrase or just thing people say: there’s a reason successful people don’t give a crap about what others think of them. Or in this case what others are doing compared to them! Such a great reminder to be confident in yourself and move at your own pace,
This is such an awesome post! I struggle with feeling like I should have it all together. I need to be less hard on myself. I think part of the fun of life is in NOT having it all together!
These are awesome tips, and this is such a great reminder! I like the “fake it til you make it” philosophy, and my friend took it a step further and said, “fake it til you become it,” which has really stuck with me! :] I definitely put my blinders on when things get a little insane so that I can focus on putting things back together again!
Thanks so much! I really appreciate the honesty. I’ve been blogging for 5 months and just earlier today I was feeling down and mopey because I was comparing my stats to those of another blogger. This article was a welcome reminder to stay focused on my own goals.
I definitely need to hear this. I’ve gotten so disheartened with blogging and job searching recently. It feels like everyone around me is succeeding at everything they’re doing and while I’m immensely excited and happy for all of their accomplishments, it gets to be a lot sometimes. So thanks for the reminder <3
Definitely know how you feel. Blogging can be really discouraging at times but it’s the passion that keeps us here. Thanks for reading <3
I love what you said about putting on your blinders. I need to do that more and stop wasting time comparing myself, my life, my job, my blog to what others portray on social media. Time to just focus on me![:)](http://theblissfulbalance.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/simple-smile.png)
Just follow your own tunnel and constantly move forward! I think we all are guilty of losing our blinders sometimes <3
I needed this today (and most days). I do a really good job faking it, but inside I’m freaking out
I need to work on the blinders and with being okay that I don’t know what the whole path of this marathon looks like. Thanks for this!
Totally – me too girl! <3
This is so RIGHT, because it seems like the times that I was most confused about life were the times that God showed me that He is truly directing my steps, and keeping me in the love of Christ, even if I’m broken and sad and confused. <3 It's okay not to have it together all the time, because His strength is still so sufficient. Thank you Christina for this encouragement!
Thanks so much for reading Emily!! <3
I love this because, even after working 8+ years and having a child, I STILL don’t have everything figured out. Nobody’s life is perfectly written BEFORE the fact.
A few years ago I was so unhappy because I didn’t “have my blinders on” and was so stuck in the comparison trap. It took a lot of reflecting – and practicing gratitude – to get me to the point I am at today.
Thanks for sharing! <3
Thank you for reading! I imagine having a child is probably the most ‘holy crap I don’t know what I’m doing’ moment one could have haha! <3
Oh gosh. I’ve been here so many times! I’m totally just faking my way through this whole adulting thing.![:)](http://theblissfulbalance.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/simple-smile.png)
Such a well-written post! So important to remember that everyone’s on a different journey. The comparison game can be a tough one!
Oh, I think EVERY 20-something…okay EVERYONE should read this. So well spoken, girl!! YES to putting blinders on. A big thing for me in the past six months was to not take ANYTHING personally: an unfollow, a drift in friendship, etc etc. I could go on and on and on. Knowing our worth and that we’re enough is such a powerful notion, even if it’s easier said than done.
That is so true – we must try and not take things personally. Great goal
thanks for the comment love <3
I’ve heard many great things about this book. Seeing this blog post has solidified that I am ordering it today.
This post is a great reminder to enjoy the journey and not be so hard on myself along the way; thanks for sharing.